Seeing a Filipina with a foreign partner is nothing new, nor is the stigma, prejudice, and discrimination that comes with it. I noticed that the majority of them would bat an eye and whisper behind their back. “Ah, this chick is only dating this foreign guy for money, or perhaps she wants to go to his country.” In short, a gold digger looking for a green card. Do Filipinas seek out foreigners mostly for their money or passport? Know the truth.
“Every time I judge someone else, I reveal an unhealed part of myself.”– Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Self
Although this is true, we cannot deny that there are many Filipino women who wish to marry a foreigner with blonde hair and blue eyes. Many of them use online dating services to look for a husband. You might already guess that most of them want to lift themselves out of poverty or use them as a ticket to leave their native country.
That’s a little harsh because I’m a Filipina with a career (I pay my taxes, after all) and yet they’re criticized just because they’re with a white man.
***These are based on my experience, if it’s relatable then yay, that’s great! If not, I do not mean to offend any of you.
Here are some of the things that I’ve experienced when dating a foreign partner.
#1 He bought me from a mail-order bride online catalog.
Believe it or not, I don’t have a dating app (never have, never will) – largely because I’m too lazy to send messages unless they’re work-related, and my Twitter only gets updated when I publish posts. I first learned the terms “swipe right” and “hmu” when a friend told me about her Tinder encounters.
Guess where he found me? LinkedIn. He’s a former colleague’s friend.
He connected with me when I posted a link to a blog post and wrote me a message asking, “If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go and why?”
That immediately drew my attention. I responded with: Big Major Cay, Bahamas. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Yes, mail-order bride catalogs do exist. While writing this post, I conducted some research, and it was… Let’s just say I was blown away. But, for your sake and mine, let’s just skip this bit and pretend I didn’t say anything. Furthermore, it is illegal in the Philippines.
#2 I am dating a foreigner because I need cash – lots of it!
It’s amusing how some people associate the word RICH with persons with fair complexion. The truth is that they, too, are human. They don’t dry their skin with $100 notes and then throw them out the window. Alternatively, boasts a different European sports car for each day of the week. I have friends abroad that are struggling financially and must work multiple jobs to make ends meet. Some even rely on government help to survive.
I have a stable job that pays well. Allowing them to finance my necessities would be an insult to me. Call it pride or anything, but even with my ex-boyfriends (who aren’t foreigners), I insisted on paying for myself or splitting the bill. I even threw a party for one of the guys to celebrate his birthday.
It’s condescending to me, and any woman who has the highest regard for her partner and is with them for the right reasons might feel a lot of snarling eyes gazing at her 24/7.
#3 I’m dating a foreigner because I am after his green card or his French passport.
It’s no secret that I enjoy traveling, which is why GoldenIslandSenorita.Net was created. Even before I met my French partner, I had visited a few countries. In fact, he asked for a picture for the first time while I was eating lunch in Asakusa, Japan (my fourth trip to Japan). I also traveled to France without his assistance in 2019.
It’s a goal of mine to see all seven continents someday, but in my retirement, I’d like to stay in the Philippines. My trip to Portugal just showed that I can’t handle cold weather (my butt was freezing despite the layers of clothing I was wearing), and my vacation to Dubai nearly caused me to pass out due to the heat. For me, the weather in the Philippines is ideal, yet there are still 40 or so provinces that I have yet to see.
I’m eyeing you, Great Santa Cruz Island (Zamboanga del Sur)! 😍
#4 I’m dating a foreigner because I want my future children to have blue eyes.
Even if I have children with my partner, there is no assurance that they will have blue eyes. Unless one of my relatives had blue eyes and I’m a carrier of those genes, which I doubt.
Jokingly, this is what I tell people whenever I get asked. I wouldn’t mind if our children inherited Grayson’s baby blue eyes, dark blonde hair, or height (I’m just 4’11).
#5 I’m dating a foreigner because I want my future children to be arista when they grow up.
Artista. noun, an artist, especially an actor, singer, dancer, or other public performer.Synonyms: celebrity, personality · someone · star · somebody
Some Filipinos are fascinated by Caucasian features such as round eyes, straight noses, light-colored hair, and fair complexions. Filipinos have associated lighter skin with being more attractive since Spanish colonialism (evident from the large skin whitening industry in the country). Many people will admire or envy your appearance because many “teleserye” (Filipino soap opera) actors and actresses are half Filipino/half white.
When I uploaded a screenshot of my boyfriend and I’s video chats, we got a lot of comments about how our future children will look.
#6 He’s only dating me because he thinks I am docile and submissive.
I asked my boyfriend as to what prompted him to pursue me (he thought I was fishing for compliments). He claimed to have heard positive things about me from a former coworker.
Backstory: I had a disagreement with another coworker that progressed to higher-ups, resulting in the latter getting fired by the company for incompetence. Don’t get me wrong: I dislike conflicts, but when I know I’m in the right, I’ll speak up.
Having said that, I don’t think my partner stayed with me because I was docile and submissive. I enjoy how we can discuss anything and everything under the sun (including politics, business, history, and so on) and how we frequently engage in debates with one other.
#7 He’s dating me because I am obedient and I’d make a perfect “yaya” (househelp).
I believe it’s fair to think that most women are efficient when it comes to housework, but in a relationship (if you’re living together), I don’t think it’s fair for the woman to shoulder the bulk of domestic responsibilities, especially if she also works.
I can’t wrap my head around the idea of being an obedient servant to anyone.
#8 I’m marrying a foreigner so he’d be obliged to support my family financially.
We are accustomed to husbands being the breadwinners in the family while the woman stays at home and cares for the children, and this is not limited to Filipinas with foreign partners. It’s a good thing if the woman decides to work. If not, it’s not a problem. Who are we to tell someone what they should and should not do?
My parents are both professionals in their fields, and they were both able to support the family. My strong, independent mother taught in me the importance of not relying on others for financial help. She does her own thing and enjoys the freedom that comes with it.
Whatever the reasons are for some Filipinas dating a foreign partner, we shouldn’t be too quick to pass judgment.
Do you have a foreign boyfriend? If not, do you have any friends who are dating (or married to) a foreigner? I’d love to hear your opinions in the comments section below.
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