A belle-mère (French for mother-in-law) is often depicted in popular culture as either a sophisticated mentor or a formidable matriarch. But what is it really like to have a belle-mère, and how can you build a harmonious relationship with her? Whether she is effortlessly chic, opinionated about everything, or an absolute sweetheart, learning how to navigate this relationship will make your life (and marriage) much smoother.
In this guide, we’ll explore the different characteristics of a belle-mère, common challenges, and proven ways to foster a positive bond.
My Experience with My Belle-Mère
I have never met Maman in real life (yet), but we have been having video calls since we were introduced in 2022. At first, it was a bit awkward—I wasn’t sure whether to show my perky, hyperactive, and loud self or to remain quiet. During our first call, I was debating whether to speak English, but my overenthusiastic self blurted out, Bon après-midi, Tita Bernadette! To my surprise, she was accompanied by her youngest daughter, ready to act as a translator. But there I was, attempting to speak French and trying my best to converse with her—which I think she appreciated!
It was my Belle-Mère who started asking questions, and at the time, it felt like an interview. I was so nervous! But then she laughed and told me to relax. From that moment on, I began speaking more casually (yet still politely). Since then, we’ve had 2-3 calls per week, even during the brief period when Grayson and I had broken up.
Over time, I’ve arranged for food deliveries and gifts for special occasions, and in return, she has sent thoughtful presents whenever Grayson visits me here in the Philippines. One of the most precious gifts I received was a cookbook last Christmas—an heirloom passed down from her own mother. That gesture truly touched my heart.
I don’t know about the rest of France, but so far, I can confidently say that I lucked out in having a kind and sweet Belle-Mère.
Now, having spent time learning about Belle-Mères, I’ve gathered some common stereotypes from the internet, and I’m excited to share my thoughts on each.
Image is AI-generated
The Stereotypes of a Belle-Mère
1. She’s Elegantly Critical
A Belle-Mère is known for her high standards—whether it’s fashion, food, or even how you pronounce croissant. She might silently assess your outfit, subtly suggest a different way to cook something, or raise a perfectly arched eyebrow at your choices.
“Oh, you’re making ratatouille? That’s… an interesting interpretation!”
How to Handle It:
Don’t take it personally! Confidence is key. If she critiques your outfit, own it. If she questions your cooking, invite her to teach you her version—it might even turn into a bonding experience. Sometimes, what feels like criticism is just her way of engaging with you.
My Thoughts:
My Belle-Mère has a way of being critical, but never in a rude or offensive way. It’s always subtle—just a perfectly timed comment or a slight raise of an eyebrow. But I know it comes from a good place. She genuinely wants to share her wisdom and make sure things are done just right. Whether it’s fashion, food, or even the way I hold a wine glass, she has her little remarks, but I’ve come to appreciate them. It’s like having my own personal guide to French elegance and tradition.
2. She Loves Giving Unsolicited Advice
Your Belle-Mère has opinions on everything—parenting, cooking, love, even the best way to drink wine. And trust us, she will share them with you. Frequently.
“Ma chérie, I think you should let the wine breathe longer… Oh, and don’t hold the glass like that!”
How to Handle It:
Smile, nod, and pick your battles. If her advice is helpful, embrace it. If it’s not, a polite “Oh, interesting! I’ll try that next time” works wonders. At times, it might feel overbearing, but remember—sharing advice is often a sign of caring.
My Thoughts:
False! Maman is actually one of the first people I turn to for advice. She’s incredibly thoughtful and never intrudes or gives unsolicited opinions. If I ask, she shares her wisdom, but she never oversteps. It’s one of the things I truly appreciate about her—she respects boundaries while still being there when I need her.
3. She’s Protective of Her Son
There’s a long-standing stereotype that French mothers have a very strong bond with their sons. Your Belle-Mère may compare you to herself and how she took care of him growing up.
“Oh, Grayson used to love my homemade boeuf bourguignon… You should ask me for the recipe!”
How to Handle It:
Instead of feeling threatened, embrace it. Ask her to teach you her famous recipe. It’s a great way to bond while showing that you respect her relationship with her son. A little flattery never hurts either—mention how well she raised him.
My Thoughts:
In my case? FALSE! If anything, my Belle-Mère is more protective of me than of Grayson. She knows her son can be a handful, and instead of worrying about me taking care of him, she’s more concerned about how he treats me. She’s made it very clear—if he ever steps out of line, I just have to call her, and she’ll handle it.
4. She’s a Food Snob
A French Belle-Mère often believes that French cuisine is superior to everything else. So if you serve her Jollibee spaghetti, expect a raised eyebrow.
“Sweet spaghetti? Oh… that’s very… unique!”
How to Handle It:
Stand your ground. Introduce her to your favorite dishes with pride. If she critiques it, ask her what she would do differently—it might turn into a fun (and educational) culinary exchange. If she’s truly sceptical, invite her to a meal where both cuisines are showcased.
My Thoughts:
I wouldn’t say my Belle-Mère is a food snob, but she’s definitely proud of French cuisine! She loves sharing her culinary traditions and always encourages me to learn how to cook classic French dishes—especially Grayson’s favorites. But here’s the fun part—she’s also open to trying new flavors! I’ve sent her some Filipino food a few times, and to my delight, she actually enjoyed it. She even admitted that Kare-Kare and Sisig were her favorites! Who knows? Maybe one day, my Belle-Mère will be recommending them to her friends over a glass of wine.
5. She’s Chic but Practical
Even in her 50s or 60s, your Belle-Mère is effortlessly stylish. No heavy makeup, no flashy trends—just timeless elegance and perfectly tailored outfits.
“No need for all that makeup, Polly, just a touch of red lipstick will do!”
How to Handle It:
Take inspiration from her style while still embracing your own. If she offers beauty tips, it’s likely coming from a place of experience rather than critique. Keep in mind that simplicity and elegance are deeply valued in French culture.
My Thoughts:
My Belle-Mère is in her 70s, yet she still radiates beauty and elegance effortlessly. I have never seen her hair out of place, and her outfits? Always stylish, always chic. She carries herself with this aristocratic grace that I can’t quite put my finger on—it’s just there.
Fun fact: She’s the one who gives me impromptu French etiquette lessons. Whether it’s how to hold a wine glass properly or the subtle art of polite conversation, my Belle-Mère always makes sure I’m prepared to navigate French culture with style.
6. She Has a Love-Hate Relationship with Traditions
She respects old French traditions—like long meals and Sunday family gatherings—but also loves breaking the rules.
“Oh, wedding traditions? Pff! Just elope in Provence!”
How to Handle It:
Go with the flow. Some traditions may be non-negotiable, but others might be flexible. Find a happy middle ground that makes everyone feel included. Showing respect for her cultural values while maintaining your independence will earn her admiration.
My Thoughts:
This is absolutely true! My Belle-Mère has a bit of a rebellious streak, and I love it! She respects traditions, but she’s not afraid to bend the rules when it suits her. Whether it’s challenging old customs or encouraging me to do things my own way, my Belle-Mère definitely has a fun, daring side.
Yes! She actually encouraged us to just elope in Provence!
7. She’ll Never Say She’s Jealous… But She Might Be
A Belle-Mère may be a little possessive of her son, but always in a classy way. She won’t say it outright, but you might sense a subtle “competition” vibe.
“Oh, he calls you every night? How sweet. When he was a boy, he used to call me three times a day!”
How to Handle It:
Reassure her that her son still cherishes their relationship. A simple “Grayson always talks about how much he loves your advice” can go a long way. Show appreciation for their bond rather than seeing it as a rivalry.
My Thoughts:
Honestly? I have a sneaking suspicion that my Belle-Mère might have gently pressured Grayson into putting a ring on it. But let’s be real—I think she’s less focused on her son and more excited about the prospect of future Miss Universe granddaughters and football player grandsons.
This is in reference to Filipina Miss Universe title holders, Pia Wurtzbach (2015), and Catriona Gray (2018).
8. She Prefers Intellectual Conversations Over Small Talk
Forget mindless chitchat—a French Belle-Mère loves deep discussions. Politics, philosophy, history—nothing is off the table.
“So, Polly, what do you think of existentialism and its role in postmodern society?”
How to Handle It:
Be prepared. Even if you’re not an expert in French philosophy, engage in meaningful conversation. A little curiosity and a few well-placed questions will earn her respect. Don’t be afraid to ask her thoughts—it might turn into a fascinating discussion.
My Thoughts:
We chat about the most random things! From our families and daily lives to our pets and all sorts of fun topics—anything goes, as long as it’s not sleep-inducing. There’s never a dull moment with my Belle-Mère.
9. She’ll Push You to Be More Independent
French women are fiercely independent, and your Belle-Mère will likely encourage you to be the same. If you vent about a problem, don’t expect sympathy—expect action.
“Why are you waiting for him to do it? Do it yourself, ma fille!”
How to Handle It:
Appreciate the encouragement! She’s not dismissing your struggles—she’s empowering you to take control of your own life. French women admire strength, and proving that you can handle things on your own will earn her respect.
My Thoughts:
My Belle-Mère is an absolute force to be reckoned with! From the stories her children have shared to the struggles and triumphs she’s opened up about over the years, it’s clear she’s always been a powerhouse. She was a proviseur (principal) for many years before retiring, and you can just tell she carried that same strength and leadership into every aspect of her life.
One of the best pieces of advice she’s ever given me? Never settle—always aim higher! And coming from her, you just know she means it
10. She Will Eventually Love You (If She Doesn’t Already!)
A French Belle-Mère might seem intimidating at first, but once she sees that you love her son and stand your ground, she’ll warm up. And when she does, she will defend you like family.
“If Grayson ever mistreats you, call me—I will handle it.”
How to Handle It:
Be patient and stay true to yourself. Once you win her over, you’ll have a lifelong ally. Over time, you may find that she’s not just your Belle-Mère, but also a source of wisdom and support.
My Thoughts:
My Belle-Mère has never been anything but kind to me—never a hint of coldness or disapproval, so I’d like to think she genuinely likes me. For anyone out there who’s nervous about having a Belle-Mère, my best advice is simple: just be a genuinely kind person and never put on an act. Trust me, they have a sixth sense for spotting anything fake, and they can see right through pretense. Authenticity goes a long way.
Yes! She actually told me to report to her if Grayson ever misbehaves. And those exact words? Yep, she said them—just in French!
Final Thoughts
French Belle-Mères may come with their quirks, but they’re also fascinating, strong, and loving women. Understanding her personality and embracing her culture can transform your relationship into a beautiful and supportive bond.
So, if you’re navigating life with a French mother-in-law, remember: a little patience, confidence, and a shared bottle of good wine can go a long way. Santé!
Happy birthday, maman! Je t’aime.
