Seeing a Filipina with a foreign partner isn’t new and along with it are the stigma, prejudice and discrimination. I noticed that most of them would bat an eye and whisper behind their backs. “Ah this chick is only dating this foreign dude for money or maybe she wants to migrate to his country.” In short, A gold-digger who is after his green card.
“Every time I judge someone else, I reveal an unhealed part of myself.”– Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Self
Although it is true, we cannot deny that there are plenty of Filipina women who dreams of having a foreign husband preferably blonde hair and blue eyes. Many of them go to online dating sites fishing for a potential husband. You might already guess that most of them wants to lift themselves out of poverty or use them as a ticket to migrate out of their homeland.
Now, that’s a little bit unfair as I’m a Filipina who has a career (I pay my taxes, alright) yet still gets judged just because I’m with a white man.
These are based on my experience, if it’s relatable then yay, that’s great! If not, I do not mean to offend any of you.
Here are some of the things that I’ve experienced when dating a foreigner partner.
#1 He bought me from a mail-order bride online catalog.
Believe it or not, I don’t own a dating app (never have, never will) – mainly because I’m too lazy to send messages unless it’s work-related, even my twitter only gets updated when I publish posts. I only got acquainted with the terms “swipe right” or “hmu” when a friend opened up about her adventures on Tinder.
Guess where he found me? LinkedIn. He’s a former colleague’s friend.
After posting a link to a blog post, he connected with me and sent me a message asking “If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go and why?”
That instantly caught my attention. I messaged back: Big Major Cay, The Bahamas. 😉 …And the rest is history.
Yes, mail-order bride catalogues isn’t a myth. I did a research while writing this post and it was… Well, let’s just say I was mind-blown. But for your safety and my sanity, let’s just skip this part and pretend I didn’t mention it. Besides, it’s illegal in the Philippines.
#2 I am dating a foreigner because I need cash – lots of it!
It’s funny how some attach the word RICH to people who has light skin. Reality is they’re also human. They don’t dry their skin off with $100 bills and toss it out the window after. Or has a different European sports car for every day of the week. I have foreign friends who are struggling financially and has to juggle 2-3 jobs in order to make ends meet. Some even depend on government assistance in order to survive.
I have a stable job that pays amazingly. It’ll be an insult to me if I let them finance my needs. Call it pride or whatever but even with my former boyfriends (who aren’t foreigners), I always insisted on paying for my own or to split the bill. Heck, I even threw a party for one guy so he could celebrate his birthday.
For me, it’s condescending and any woman who has the outmost respect to their partners and is actually with them for all the right reasons can feel a lot of snarling eyes staring 24/7.
#3 I’m dating a foreigner because I am after his green card or his French passport.
It’s no secret that I love to travel hence the birth of GoldenIslandSenorita.Net. I have already been to a few countries even before I met my partner. In fact, I was having lunch in Asakusa, Japan (my fourth time in Japan) when he asked a picture for the first time. I have also traveled to France last 2019 without his assistance.
It is a dream to explore all 7 continents someday but at my retirement I’d love to settle here in the Philippines. My travel to Portugal only proved that I cannot withstand the cold weather (my butt was freezing despite the layers of clothing I had on) and during my trip to Dubai, I nearly fainted due to the hot climate. For me, the weather in the Philippines is perfect and there are 40+ more provinces that I have yet to explore.
I’m eyeing you, Great Santa Cruz Island (Zamboanga del Sur)! 😍
#4 I’m dating a foreigner because I want my future children to have blue eyes.
Even if I reproduce with my partner, it wont guarantee that our children with have blue eyes. Unless one of my ancestors had blue eyes and I’m a carrier of that genes – which, I highly doubt.
Jokingly, this is what I tell people whenever I get asked. Though, I wouldn’t mind if our children has Grayson’s baby blue eyes, dark blonde hair or height (as I only stand 4’11). 😛
#5 I’m dating a foreigner because I want my future children to be arista when they grow up.
Artista. noun, an artist, especially an actor, singer, dancer, or other public performer.Synonyms: celebrity, personality · someone · star · somebody
There are Filipinos who have a fascination with Caucasian features such as round eyes, straight noses, light colored hair and fair complexions. Ever since the Spanish colonization Filipinos associate lighter skin with being more beautiful (evident from the large skin whitening industry in the country). Many will admire or envy your looks because many of the “teleserye” (Filipino soap opera) actors and actresses are half Filipino/half white. Sabihin mong hindi.
The few times I posted a screenshot of my partner and I’s videocalls – we’d always get comments about how our future children will look like.
#6 He’s only dating me because he thinks I am docile and submissive.
I asked my partner what made him decide to pursue me (he thought I was fishing for complements). He said he heard impressive things about me from a friend – who was my former colleague.
Backstory: I had a dispute with another colleague that escalated to the higher ups which resulted to the latter being terminated by the company due to incompetence. – Don’t get me wrong, I do not enjoy conflicts but when I know I’m in the right, I’ll talk. I’ll definitely talk.
That being said, I don’t think my partner stuck with me because I was docile and submissive. I like that we can talk about anything and everything under the sun (including politics, business, history, etc) and we’d often engage the other in debates.
#7 He’s dating me because I am obedient and I’d make a perfect “yaya” (househelp).
I think it’s safe to say that most women are efficient when it comes to doing house chores but in a relationship (if you’re living together), I don’t think it’s fair that the woman should take on the bulk of domestic responsibilities, specially if she too has a job.
I can’t wrap my head around the idea of being an obedient servant to anyone.
#8 I’m marrying a foreigner so he’d be obliged to support my family financially.
We are accustomed to having the husbands as the breadwinners in the family while the wife stays at home and takes care of children- not just with Filipinas with foreigner partners. If the wife decides to get a job, that’s good. If not, that’s no problem. Who are we to dictate what someone should and shouldn’t do?
My parents are professionals in their chosen careers and both were able to provide for the family. My strong, independent mother instilled in me that we should not depend on others for financial support. She has her own thing and loves the independence that comes with it.
Whatever the reasons some Filipinas are dating a foreigner partner are, we shouldn’t be too quick to judge.
Are you dating a foreigner? If not, do you know anyone who is dating (or married) to a foreigner? I’d love to hear your thoughts by commenting below.